Price point: Unsurprisingly Free!
Context: Youtube Channel
Before: So I met this guy Frankie in melbourne, who is probably one of the few (3) people I'd regard as a 'Porn Academic'. We got a bit blazed and talked about our favorite porn stars to which lead to a heated debate that pit (in my corner) Aria Giovanni, an italian softcore bombshell against Sasha Gray (Frankie's corner), who needs no introduction as she's on IMDB.
Anyway so long story short, everybody lost (and won), but a few days ago Frankie sends me this clip of Aria Giovanni 'featuring' in a short cooking segment of a 101 Bachelor program. Proving that she's somewhat past her pent-house and Andrew-Blake 'glory days'(?) but is still acceptable by afternoon TV cooking show standards.
First impressions: The first thing you have to know is that I am allergic to eggs. And so this 101 Bachelor egg-cooking program was particularly relevant to me as I'd never ever actually cooked eggs before. The second thing you have to know is that Aria Giovanni was in 1997 probably the best discovery I'd made after Lynx Africa.
First impressions: The first thing you have to know is that I am allergic to eggs. And so this 101 Bachelor egg-cooking program was particularly relevant to me as I'd never ever actually cooked eggs before. The second thing you have to know is that Aria Giovanni was in 1997 probably the best discovery I'd made after Lynx Africa.
So, I noticed was that she'd put on a few pounds and that the recipes were also all consistently extraordinarily basic, involving things like: How to boil and egg, how to fry and egg,how to scramble an egg, how to use an egg to make tuna salad and how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. Which was a bit of a disappointment because I'd hoped that she'd at least have a go at making something a little more... energetic like a loaf of bread or toss a giant caesar?
But sadly it's mainly targeted at college kids who like myself don't know how to cook eggs yet.
During:
It struck me that I'm a lot less judgmental about character and personality while watching porn. Something that I became increasingly aware of during the cooking show - like her voice, it's a little less mysterious than what I'd imagined - I only just noticed that most of her porn is silent!
However I was also a lot less critical of her inability to do simple things that tele-chefs should normally be expected to be good at... like spatula finesse. It was almost kind of cute seeing her struggling a bit, as if she was also just learning to do a sunny side up, and we were shairing a mini-moment like when two strangers find themselves at a common intersection of life, simultaneously helping each other out. Me, her youtube ratings and her, my um, desire to peek at her breasts.
After: Sadly, that feeling didn't last. Neither did my interest in eggs or her. I don't even remember finishing the show. I think I'd just switched windows and left her babbling on the back of my desktop while I wrote this review. I and I was so preoccupied with her that I still don't really know how to cook eggs. Ho Hum. And to think it all started with so much promise.
Total Score: 4/10
Last words: Alas it was one of those clips where the synopsis and freeze-frame is just about all you'll ever need and in this case all you'll ever get out of one of the clips. Sorry Aria, I miss your quieter glory days too.
If you liked this (and fancy something a little more challenging) you may also like:
Coolio's Cooking Show (below) or Andrew Blake's Film 'Aria (2001)'
No comments:
Post a Comment