Panadol Menstrual

The Product:

Panadol Menstrual

The Damage:

$6. This is more expensive than every other type of Panadol except for Cold Relief, presumably because people with watery eyes can’t read the price-tag properly.

The Lie:

Gentle on the Stomach
For Fast and Effective Relief of Period Pain, Bloatedness, Water Weight Gain and Discomforts Associated with Pre-Menstrual and Menstrual Periods

“Discomforts Associated with Pre-Menstrual and Menstrual Periods”? What about the discomfort of bleeding for 4 days?

And I checked the contents: Paracetamol 500mg and Pamabrom 25mg per caplet.

What? I checked their website.

Pamabrom increases renal blood flow and glomerular filtration rate, thus promoting the discharge of urine.

Translation: This makes you pee more. Hooray!

The Experience:

Pink is, of course, every woman’s (and Steven Tyler, who looks like a woman) favourite colour. As a homage to us chickeroos , Panadol has coated its pills in a delightful highlighter pink hue. Hey guys, here’s a thought. Maybe I don’t want to broadcast my period woes to the world. If I really wanted to make every man within a 5 meter radius awkward, I’ll just wave my tampon around on its string, ok?

I supped water and downed two pills as was instructed. As they claimed, it was indeed gentle on the stomach. In between waves of excruciating pain like a fist twisting its way through your intestines, I swear I did not feel a thing.

The Results:

After an hour, my pimples went away and the Middle East stopped mining my scalp for oil. My debilitating backache and cramps disappeared, and the crimson tide retreated. Holy Moses, it’s a miracle!

Except none of that happened, only the gradual subsiding of abdominal pain. It’s just Panadol, guys. Sheesh.

My Rating:

6/10. A painkiller with added humiliation.